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+--- Thread: AW First to Thine Own Self (/showthread.php?tid=11520)
First to Thine Own Self - Nate - 5/7/2026
Birdsong filled the woodland, and Nate, without truly realizing he was doing it, whistled back to them a song of his own. A mod-podge melody, it meandered through his subconscious as he trailed the edge of a clearwater creek.
His time might be better spent hunting... but this morning, he preoccupied himself looking for shiny stones. Colorful or unusually shaped ones, or things that glittered. He'd once had quite a collection in his life before. Becoming a wolf didn't mean surrendering all his old hobbies, surely.
If he was intending to stay here, among the flowered woodlands and butterfly swarms, he felt now it might be possible to amass little treasures again.
The diversion gave him time to think, too, about what it would mean if the others stayed here, with him. Or if they didn't. Having realized he didn't want to run away, anymore, he now had to contend with the possibility of losing companions to things beyond his control.
No easy answers, anymore, if there ever were any. Nate paused with a mouthful of rocks at a shallow crossing, and watched morning smoke float over the ripples.
RE: First to Thine Own Self - Tsídii - 5/8/2026
There was still some joy to be had, for all the cruelty they had gone through. Everyone was alive. Well enough to heal, even if they were injured.
And it wasn't good enough for some stubborn part of them.
Nate knew his new friends. Their traveling companions all knew each other, Elk Charm and Chakliux and Samo and all. Cecil barely knew any of them. Had taken for granted the bonds that clan gave- or at least taken for granted the idea that death would outright kill them. Didn't think they could be blamed for such a thing.
Well, that left them where it'd left them when Mithwyth had taken off after Ko-Ga and Nate'd done his best to run off without them or Nat. Alone.
…They could do what he had been trying to do for months, fall off a cliff or break through some ice and make it stick this time. But Nate would doubtless have some reason for it all and Cecil- couldn't think of any. And the act of going through the motions were as good a reason as any to go through the motions for now.
But. They'd picked up most of what a wolf needed to know, even if their fish-gutting skills were a mite rusty.
Cecil thought about leaving.
Nobody would stop them. Hell, might not even notice for a time. Spring was back, they could fend for themself well enough, there were miles and miles of this land they'd only seen in the grips of an unnatural winter. It'd been the barest flicker of an idea at first, but now… had some real weight to it.
They turned it over as they walked along the bank, damp grass and reeds brushing their sides. The morning woods were alive with birdsong and the chirp of insects. They'd found the quiet of a snowy morning calming once, and now could only find it in them to be fervently glad it weren't that way any longer.
And then the river bent and Nate was there.
They hadn't spoken. Cecil hadn't much been needed for the injured since a real healer'd accompanied them, and there were no words they had particularly wanted to give. Still weren't now, 'cause Cecil hadn't had the energy to think on them, but certainly anything they would have said fled their mind the moment they noticed his mouth was bulging with… rocks?
"...What are you doing?"
And it wasn't good enough for some stubborn part of them.
Nate knew his new friends. Their traveling companions all knew each other, Elk Charm and Chakliux and Samo and all. Cecil barely knew any of them. Had taken for granted the bonds that clan gave- or at least taken for granted the idea that death would outright kill them. Didn't think they could be blamed for such a thing.
Well, that left them where it'd left them when Mithwyth had taken off after Ko-Ga and Nate'd done his best to run off without them or Nat. Alone.
…They could do what he had been trying to do for months, fall off a cliff or break through some ice and make it stick this time. But Nate would doubtless have some reason for it all and Cecil- couldn't think of any. And the act of going through the motions were as good a reason as any to go through the motions for now.
But. They'd picked up most of what a wolf needed to know, even if their fish-gutting skills were a mite rusty.
Cecil thought about leaving.
Nobody would stop them. Hell, might not even notice for a time. Spring was back, they could fend for themself well enough, there were miles and miles of this land they'd only seen in the grips of an unnatural winter. It'd been the barest flicker of an idea at first, but now… had some real weight to it.
They turned it over as they walked along the bank, damp grass and reeds brushing their sides. The morning woods were alive with birdsong and the chirp of insects. They'd found the quiet of a snowy morning calming once, and now could only find it in them to be fervently glad it weren't that way any longer.
And then the river bent and Nate was there.
They hadn't spoken. Cecil hadn't much been needed for the injured since a real healer'd accompanied them, and there were no words they had particularly wanted to give. Still weren't now, 'cause Cecil hadn't had the energy to think on them, but certainly anything they would have said fled their mind the moment they noticed his mouth was bulging with… rocks?
"...What are you doing?"
RE: First to Thine Own Self - Nate - 5/12/2026
Cecil appeared like a vision through the watersmoke, and Nate's ears pricked hopefully before he remembered he'd done harm, and tilted to their sides instead. They were distant, these days, and more than Nate would have wanted. Just as he'd found the courage to stay, Cecil drew back. And Nate's navel-gazing regarding the acceptance of loss or its potential, he had to admit, bled most red from the space between them now.
He was surprised the water at his feet hadn't been stained by it.
Still, forced his tail into a friendly wag. He wished he could pretend not to know why it was happening. Just like he'd pretended pink smoke had been the only reason for what happened in the ruins. And pretended he could hide the worst parts of himself from companions who could, literally, smell your damn fear.
But the powers that were had denied him death twice in the effort to teach him something — maybe that it was time to stop pretending.
GHm—Nate started through a mouthful of rocks.
Well, that was perfectly incomprehensible.
He looked down, not eager to drop them all back into the water. Grimaced (which looked foolish, with a mouth full of rocks). Then backed up onto the grassy bank and
Pthewy!, spat them out. Tongue pulled over tugged lips and white teeth as he contended with the aftertaste of stone and spring melt.
Nate gestured vaguely to his find, though Cecil certainly could not see them from behind the grass and down the way.
Rocks.He said proudly, as if that explained it.
RE: First to Thine Own Self - Tsídii - 5/12/2026
Nate's ears pricked, in a way that made him seem nearly excited to see them. For a moment the fire and the ghosts didn't matter- Cecil didn't even mind their own instinctual reaction, the angling of their own ears, the wag of their own tail, as though they'd forgotten the ways of being a man entirely.
Then his ears folded back, and they were sharply reminded about every thing that'd happened, and how the space between them now was wide and yawning as a chasm.
And that they'd never liked heights.
Was a relief to see Nate start fumbling around for a reply before they could. Though they resented their stupid heart a little, chasing away the anger that'd felt justified only a moment ago as Nate made- well, the kinda noise you'd expect from someone with a mouth full of rocks.
Then spit them all onto the dirt.
Cecil laughed without meaning to.
They understood their own fondness by now. Just wished it weren't a thing so unwelcome by its subject. And wished it'd chosen a person whose reason for being was only to die again, or to suffer through a thing he'd tried his damnedest to escape for the sake of responsibility.
"Yeah, I see that." Cecil eyed him dubiously from where they stood, though they couldn't actually see them given the thick fog. Could only tell from the sound he hadn't just dropped them all in the river.
A little part of them wanted to just leave and go be pissed in peace. But they'd done that for a couple weeks now and made utterly no headway one way or another. So Cecil listened to the what the stupid rest of them wanted, for now, and wandered in slow steps along the riverbank towards him instead.
"And... what exactly's the point of the rocks?"
Then his ears folded back, and they were sharply reminded about every thing that'd happened, and how the space between them now was wide and yawning as a chasm.
And that they'd never liked heights.
Was a relief to see Nate start fumbling around for a reply before they could. Though they resented their stupid heart a little, chasing away the anger that'd felt justified only a moment ago as Nate made- well, the kinda noise you'd expect from someone with a mouth full of rocks.
Then spit them all onto the dirt.
Cecil laughed without meaning to.
They understood their own fondness by now. Just wished it weren't a thing so unwelcome by its subject. And wished it'd chosen a person whose reason for being was only to die again, or to suffer through a thing he'd tried his damnedest to escape for the sake of responsibility.
"Yeah, I see that." Cecil eyed him dubiously from where they stood, though they couldn't actually see them given the thick fog. Could only tell from the sound he hadn't just dropped them all in the river.
A little part of them wanted to just leave and go be pissed in peace. But they'd done that for a couple weeks now and made utterly no headway one way or another. So Cecil listened to the what the stupid rest of them wanted, for now, and wandered in slow steps along the riverbank towards him instead.
"And... what exactly's the point of the rocks?"
RE: First to Thine Own Self - Nate - 5/12/2026
It felt a bit like pretending, still. Going through the motions. But Nate supposed several things could be true at once and it wasn't lying to decide which feelings, or impulses, to act on. So he let his tail keep wagging. Told himself this time he was the greenbroke horse, spooked by some shadow a thing and just needed coaxing through it to see himself to the other side.
Cecil might leave. But so far, Cecil had stayed. And now, Cecil was here.
Asking about rocks which... Nate didn't think he had any particularly good explanation for.
I used to uh, keep 'em? In a little pouch, with some old coins from Pa and beads my Eduda gave me. And marbles. I figured... might be nice to have some shiny rocks, again.
Folk were building lodges. Digging dens. Nate supposed at some point maybe he ought to do the same, and it would be nice to have things to decorate with.