✦✦✦

She blinked and time had passed. It was almost familiar; the disorientation, the sudden wash of nausea, the pulsating behind her eyes. She didn't want to think about how many days, weeks, months she had lost. She told herself that she didn't care. It didn't matter.

So what if she'd lost a month or two? Who cared if she lost a year? It wasn't like any of the time she was losing was actually important to her. It wasn't like all the life she'd missed was actually hers. No, her life had ended quite some time ago. Thinking about it too much still felt like slamming her face onto a hot grill, but she could more or less piece the events together from whatever flashes of memories she could squeeze from her subconscious.

She had lived, and she died, and now she was here — in some... sick twist of fate — piloting someone else's body.

That's what was happening, right? She'd "woken up" at the top of a mountain she couldn't remember climbing so obviously something else was keeping the lights on when she wasn't home. A god, maybe? Since those were apparently real.

To think that all the miraculous, impossible, fantastical tales she loved to read about them devouring the sun, turning people into beasts, and smiting haughty heroes for their hubris had been based in reality. And she was one of them. Just another stupid little human rubbing the genie's lamp, wishing for a different life, and getting turned into a dog for their troubles. Years of being ignored, of suffering in absolute silence, no matter how hard she begged and prayed and pleaded, only to get served a fresh, hot plate of divine retribution at the end of her life while she was bleeding out in the arms of the first person in the world who had ever cared about the real her.

Is this some kind of joke?

The stars didn't answer her. They never did.

Am I being punished?

The lingering traces of snow swallowed her darkly murmured words. The trees rustled in the breeze, but they, too, had no answers for her.

I learned my lesson. I'll never wish for anything again. Is that what you want? Huh? Bragi grit her teeth, her jaw so tense it hurt. I'll be quiet and miserable for the rest of my life.

Her eyes burned as she turned them skyward, the twinkling lights far above her that she once adored now foreign and unfamiliar. That's what you want me to do, right?

She wouldn't let them see her cry. She refused. So you can take me back now. I'll be good, I promise.

She squeezed her eyes shut, holding the tears hostage at the very corner of her eye. Her breath hitched as she sucked in a shaky inhale, and the roiling ball of emotions in the pit of her stomach finally boiled over. All the revelations she'd kept to herself, all the nerves she'd been forced to weather. The fear that someone would find out about her, the guilt of taking someone else's place, of pretending everything was fine, all rushing out in a single, strangled roar. ANSWER ME!

✦✦✦

Sindri was glad to tread familiar paths once more, though the pull to leave and continue the mission was strong. Still, she knew she had to linger a while, assuage the wrath of her father, apologize for worrying everyone.

The night was cool, and Sin wasn't the only one searching the stars for answers. As she wandered the peaks of home, her friend nestled calmly in her nape and alert as he inspected his new dwelling, a voice sounded. The words were lost in the chill, but the celestial child honed in on the voice of her sister.

'So you can take me back now. Ill be good, I promise.'

Didn't Bragi like them? Should she pretend she hadn't heard that? Didn't Bragi know she was good, and her family loved her? Maybe they ought to do something nice for her.

As she drew closer, another desperate wail: 'Answer me!'

There, her navy form. Sindris heart ached with sympathy. She padded forward on soft paws, but she made an effort to crunch the snow beneath her claws as she approached the flighty sibling.

The skies are silent for me, too, sister.

Would that help, or hurt? Was the silence because she was here, the stars left without their voice?

✦✦✦

The mountain echoed her words, faintly, fading. She took one shuddering inhale after another, the silence damning.

Then she flinched, her ears picking up the soft crunch of approaching footsteps mere seconds before a voice shattered her illusion of loneliness. Her head whipped back over her shoulder, blinking hard against the tears threatening. One slipped, tracing a hot line down her cheek, and she quickly averted her gaze, having caught the briefest glimpse of pinkish purple hues, cut through with brilliant white. Sindri; the most recent member of the wolf family to have gone missing, and the only one to return.

The skies are silent for me, too. Bragi's mouth twisted in a cruel imitation of a smile. Of fucking course she'd heard that. God forbid a girl have a little menty b in peace.

She sniffed, a feeble attempt to regain what little composure she had left, her face still turned away. The gods hate you, too, huh? She murmured, low and bitter under her breath. That was a little reassuring, she supposed; knowing she wasn't the only one left here to rot, wondering what she'd done wrong.

✦✦✦

A glance, one not long held and shining with wetness. Sindri's features pinched with commiseration and a single sad note warbled from her throat, not faking a smile in return, instead drawing in beside her littermate for a moment as the distant girl collected herself. What was she to do in order to break Bragi from this constant self-isolation? Where did she want to go back to? Would it help or hurt to prod, to see if she wanted to talk about her woes?

Maybe Sin wasn't the only one born with roots somewhere else, feeling as if she didn't always belong.

But maybe she would just push away Bragi more with questions, with looking too hard, with prying. Or, worse, by saying something to Cupid -- but he could help more, right? He could help more than Sindri thought she could, at least. Still, here and now, her sister needed her. Her ears fell at Bragi's comment, and she couldn't tell if it was bitter jest or if she really thought the gods hated her.

The stars aren't familiar to me, Sin rumbled softly, Whose to say the gods can even see us, here? Do anything?

Everyone sure seemed to think they could, that the others had gone by way of their divine hand. Sindri was not so sure; the older she got, the more memories of a life once lived she witnessed; felt so sure so many deities could not possibly have gone missing from their own homes without being.... willing, or the power being mighty. More than them, the gods themselves. The titans? Gaia herself? Sindri wasn't really sure, but there was a way it all seemed beyond their control.
And most gods were used to having things managed in the palms of their hands, no?

Did you like it better.... before?

Is that why she wanted to leave? Did she remember the life she had, the people she'd loved?
Who was she, that she was asking other gods for favors?

✦✦✦

Her ear flicked, once, at the sound of Sindri's whine, and Bragi's head turned ever so slightly in her direction as she sidled up beside her. Her expression faltered for just a moment, rippling with the horrible wave of guilt, regret, and self-loathing that washed over her in that moment.

The wolf family didn't deserve this. Didn't deserve to be saddled with an awful, anti-social daughter stuck — desperate and pining — beneath two unknown worlds, not truly belonging to one or the other.

She'd give them back their real sister if she could, if only she knew how. She'd give her back in a heartbeat.

Bragi looked down at her paws and closed her eyes.

And then opened them.

The stars aren't familiar to me.

Huh?

What did she just say?

She went stock still, a buzzing in her ears as she stared without seeing down at the ground. She remembered the first time she'd looked up into the sky, and realized she didn't recognize the stars glittering so many millions of miles above her. She remembered the first time she'd realized this world was different, she was different, and she didn't belong here.

...Did that mean Sindri was the same?

Did you like it better... before?

There was no hiding the change in her expression, this time. No fixing the open shock and disbelief that widened her eyes and parted her jaws as she drew in a long, shaky breath. Then another, and another, and another. No matter how many she took, she just couldn't get enough air into her lungs. It felt like she had sprung a leak, like she was being drained faster than she could fill them.

I don't... She heard herself speaking, distantly, as if through water. Muffled and hazy and as if she wasn't fully in control. Maybe she wasn't. I don't know. I don't remember, she managed between gasps.

Someone knows about you.

Shakily, she lifted a paw to her nose, checking for blood.

✦✦✦

Sindri's own guilt threatened to swallow her whole as she watched her littermate's features strain this way and that. She always seemed to tread so carefully, tasting each word before allowing it to be released, internally vibrating with some unseen anxiety. The pastel girl often tried simply to be a steady, supportive force when Bragi was around, if not entirely drawing the more boisterous attention to herself if she needed to.

She wished she could just hug her sisters worries away, wished it with all her heart. She'd do anything, in a heartbeat, to see the shy littermate enjoy life.
Sin only tipped her head as Bragi's features warped again, confused, scared, breaths heaving. She didn't remember -- Sin didn't know much about her past, either, but it didn't bother her so much. Sure, sometimes she felt out of place, but she always told herself the same thing: I can belong to both.

Hey, she offered softly, a whisper in the wind, Hey, it's okay. I don't remember much either. What matters is we're here, now, together, and you're my favorite sister.

Was it the truth? Well, they were all her favorite siblings for different reasons, but she'd certainly always seemed to end up at the side of the sibling who so resembled the night sky. Sometimes she even thought she recognized the constellations in Bragi's fur, and even though she knew it was probably just a coincidence, she also had herself convinced her sister was celestially touched -- a wonder only confirmed by how much she seemed to catch the girl with her orange gaze turned skyward.

Sindri lifted a paw and gave a slow paw towards Bragi, but she wouldn't do more than brush against a shoulder unless her sister came in for the hug that was offered.

✦✦✦

Sindri was speaking, telling her it was okay. What a boldfaced fucking lie. If it was okay, she wouldn't be here. If it was okay, she'd be able to remember. If it was okay, then she wouldn't have—

Favorite sister. Bragi actually laughed, a derisive little chuckle, and was finally able to suck in her first full breath.

I'm not, she wheezed, shaking her head, her mouth twisted in that same mirthless smile. I'm not your sister. I don't belong here.

Her paw moved from her nose to her chest, clenched around the plush fur there. She could feel the hollowness in her gut and the prickling in her limbs that usually preceded a fit. Bragi didn't care.

I'm from a house, in a city, in some bumfuck state in the middle of nowhere, she murmured, her eyes wide and wild. I have a mom and a dad. They want me to be something I'm not.

Her stomach twisted violently, choking off her words. Bragi just clenched her teeth, sucked in another deep, desperate breath.

I have... someone waiting for me. She was there when I died. She watched the whole thing. Her eyes glazed over, remembering the screams, the pressure, the pain. She watched a single drop of blood hit the ground at her feet.

✦✦✦

Shit -- was she helping at all? Sindri bit back another whine, feeling like it might just be a jab to her poor sister as her panic intensified, even as Bragi laughed. It hurt, the humorless twist to the dark girls maw, the acrid laugh -- but that wasn't really Bragi, that was the panic. That was the hate that bubbled inside her, the hurt that, as Sin listened, someone had put there.

'I'm not your sister.'

Sindri blinked hard and lowered her muzzle a degree, but stood resolute.

Two things can be true, she insisted softly, You are my sister. You belong wherever you are loved, and I love you, Bragi. Papa loves you, our sisters love you, Tyr loves you.

She didn't bring up the missing brother, the one nobody else seemed to believe was alive. She also didn't recognize Tyr's other children as her own family, though the king himself had wormed his way into the evening rose's heart.
Could she seep love into Bragi's, if she saturated it into her life enough?

Everyone deserved love and light and happiness, even those cast in the dark by some unforgettable shadow.

A house, in a city, in a state, in the middle of nowhere. Sindri didn't question the strange words, strange structures jutting from the ground dancing behind her eyelids as clear as a memory. She didn't like cities, she told herself with a certainty she didn't understand but also didn't question -- they blotted out the stars with their harsh, unnatural lights, disconnected from the sky and the pantheon beyond.

Sindri frowned deeper as Bragi mentioned... dying.

That was, distinctively, not something that other gods did. It wasn't something Sindri remembered, vast as her memories seemed to be -- had Bragi been some poor mortal with a tragic life thrown in with godlings of many ages and spanning many stories? Her seclusion, her fear, seemed a little bit less out of place, Sin concluded -- watching with a spike of alarm as blood dripped from her littermates nose.

Bragi, please, take some deep breaths, she plead, leg lowering and brows pinching in concern -- should she call Cupid, Lilja? There was a spark of anger in her chest, one she bit back on and shoved deep down; it wasn't the fault of anyone she could hurl accusations at, but Nyx help the day she found out who these people were who made her sister feel this way.

We won't ask you to be anything but happy, yourself. You're safe with us. Tell me, how can I help you?

✦✦✦

Her gaze finally turned, somber and silent, in Sindri's direction. Two things can be true, huh? Doubtful. She was about to turn away, but Sindri kept speaking. And slowly, miraculously, the light returned to Bragi's eyes.

She was... loved? Her breath caught in her throat, but she managed to suck it down. But I don't... do anything, she pleaded, almost desperate. Trying to rationalize, trying to convince herself that — maybe — they were wrong. I'm always by myself. I don't talk to anyone, I didn't feel sad when Saga or Loki or Trygve disappeared.

She was a bad daughter. She'd been an even worse son. Something wet hit her paw and she looked down, expecting more blood but saw nothing. Another tear fell. She blinked and sniffled and turned away.

She'd never had a family who loved her before.

Deep breaths. She took one. Then another, and another. Then she laughed again, dry, humorless, but more lighthearted than the last. I don't think you can. Bragi didn't even know how to help herself. She couldn't ask anyone else to take on such an impossible task.

For now she just looked down at her paws and took deep breaths and tried to calm down.

✦✦✦

Did Bragi believe her? Sindri, for one, was certain of the truth of each word coming from her mouth, but did her sister feel it resonate in her bones? If not, Sin wasn't doing a good enough job. Still, some small flicker of what she could only trust was hope brightened the dark girls gaze, if only briefly, and Sindri clung to it. She caught Bragi's gaze patiently, even happily, offering a youthful smile that stretched far beyond her eyes.

The darkness had always been a part of her, but she would not let it claim the hearts of those she loved. Her job was to shed the light of the stars on those who needed uplifting; to offer the calm of sleep, the sweet kiss of a good dream, the respite from stress and fear, the guide through the shadows.

Do anything, she echoed quietly, confused, shaking her head and pressing on in her mission to soothe, Bragi, you don't need to do anything, be anyone, for us. There's no price on our love for you. You are enough just by being you, being here.

She knew this in the depths of her soul, in every fiber of her being. Cupid didn't expect them to be masterly skilled, there was no pressure to learn anything they didn't want to learn. Perhaps it was a bit intimidating, being around a bunch of deities and their equally as mortal-formed-but-godly children, but she was one of them.
She seemed upset that she wasn't sad about the others vanishing. Sindri shrugged a shoulder, still a little unsure on how she felt on the matter herself these days.

I miss them, but I don't think they're dead, either, and that makes it hard to be sad. I just think they're out of reach right now, and that's fine. We'll see them again one day. Besides, I think Papa is upset enough for both of us.

Couldn't help? Pfffft.

She was a primordial force not even Zeus dared to challenge. She'd find a way to comfort her sister no matter what it took, even if she had to find a way to pull stars from the sky.

I don't know where you were before, but you've got magic in your bones like everyone else, and it's brought you to us. It's brought you to a place you're loved, and cherished, and that you can be whoever you want to be. Live whatever life you want to live, don't worry about what others expect of you. We'll support you.

She lifted a paw, smiling, to place on Bragi's shoulder, hoping to catch her gaze again.

I'll support you, as fiercely as the stars shine in the night.