There was almost instant regret at his choice of words. Instantly he could tell that Valeska was curious about what he had meant. But he didn't cringe, didn't flinch or shy away. It was better to tell the truth and just get it out of the way, rather then hide things and make it worse.

I had been seeking others out to see if anyone wanted to leave with me to the other packs, this was a bit after our last pack meeting. But there had been thoughts of Aelia keeping me awake, and one night, I went for a run to get them out of my head and to calm myself. I ran into Aelia that night, and we got into a fight. It didn't end well. And I still feel bad about it to this day.

Cyrus then looked to Valeska, wanting her to see in his eyes that his words held truth and also remorse. He wouldn't survive if he knew that he would also lose her as a friend and pack leader. Valeska had won him over the first time he had met her, and cherished their friendship greatly. Now that friendship was on the line. Her cough was a reminder of the trajedy that their pack was dealing with. Reminding also that he didn't want to lose anyone else. Nemean and Fleetwood weren't close to Cyrus, just seeing each other in passing or at meetings. But he still held them with high regard and wished they were still here.

No, nothing is worth our packmates. We must keep everyone safe and happy at all costs. That much I must try to do as best I can, to help you all. We will make it through this, somehow. Cyrus understood very much how she felt, but didn't believe she was stupid for holding on to what she cared about. Don't be too hard on yourself. You were just following your heart, that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's hard sometimes to make difficult decisions. Something that he was now learning to do at this point in time. He listened to her next question, immediately wanting to defend himself. But not against her words, or Valeska herself.

No, I would never leave this pack unless someone wanted me to. Or I had done something to be punished for. Which brings me back to Aelia. I didn't hurt her, at least not physically. But the fight has left us torn from one another. I have to admit something to you, that Aelia and I had sexual relations at one point. Just once, and it was of her consent. Otherwise I wouldn't have done so. I thought she was happy, at least she was the last time I saw her before the fight. Then she just stayed away. I would have gone to see her, but then I thought that she just didn't want to see me. I thought that I had done something wrong, so I stayed away in case she needed some time to herself. I didn't want to press her.

Now it was getting harder to keep himself together. He could feel a sudden shaking in his legs, a quiver to his voice as he tried to finish his side of the story. That night she ran into me, she called me a coward. Claimed that I was ashamed of making love to her. And that she was ashamed that it wasn't with someone I had never heard of. Someone called Augustus. I apologized for the things that she accused me of, as I didn't want to make her feel worse then she already had. If she believed that she was in the right, who was I to tell her that she was wrong?Slowly tears began to roll from his eyes, down his cheeks and dampening the fur of his cheeks.

I told her that despite all that she had said to me, the words and accusations, that I wasn't mad at her. That I couldn't bring myself to hate her nor come at her for her damaging words. I told her finally that I truly loved her, but I cannot recall what she said after that. Everything just kind of went numb, my ears becoming deafened to anything else around me. I felt like my world was falling apart. Now I see that I should have never done anything with her. Had I known that she cared for someone that greatly, I would have never tried to court her. I just want Aelia to be happy and to not hurt any more. If that means that I leave and she never sees me again, then so be it. I will accept that or worse as my punishment if you and Amaranth see fit.

The truth of everything that had happened came rolling out of his mouth at warp speed, coming out of him as if by vomiting. And it felt awful to have to tell this to her mother of all wolves. Now he just sat there and waited, wondering if he was indeed going to be punished for what he had done, the pain he had caused. Silence now overcame him, words no longer able to form on his lips as he tried to keep looking at Valeska with honesty, loyalty and integrity.