Her answer eased him, and he even managed a faint twinge to the smile in regards to permission for compliments. But he was glad when she took to the waters again, and let him think.

Not that he felt very much settled in himself when she returned. I learned to favour soldiers. And he had never learned, only been afflicted with desire for things beyond his reach, whether bound in godly service or not. He was not offended by her frankness — the physician in him outweighing abandoned courtly inheritances. If she spoke of herself, he need not speak of himself. But he felt something akin to jealousy at her confession. To seek relief in another's arms so easily, to find distraction without wondering if, if if. Without hoping for more, and grieving for less.

A misplaced jealousy, it turned out. At last came the moment he was meant to offer counsel. A balm upon the conscience, or a fire beneath the feet. Yet he felt her question strike to the core of him, and wondered if he was not now a man blind all his days attempting to grant sight to another...

Perhaps. He said finally, some distant weight in the words. With others, he would not have spoken. With Sitamun, he found himself answering, as much to himself as to her, I think if the gods have called one to a purpose, then it is an evil to ignore their appointment. We talk of simpler lives, as if we miss something that was never given to us to begin with, and I fear there is a lie in the reverie. You and I were raised upon mysteries and sacred truths — once learned not easily forgotten. We might touch a different way of being for an hour, or an evening, but it is only dreams which occupy us.

His ears splayed back, smile turning grim, That is not the answer I think you hoped for. I am not sure of it myself. I know I work the earth now, and feel most often lately the weight of my own helplessness. As Greatest of the Seers I failed once before, and now bereft of the title I wonder what good I could have done had I kept it. That smells of arrogance, does it not? But I do not think you should be ashamed. You — His breath caught.

Hotep shook his head, choosing instead, You have a freer spirit, and might unbind it without giving offense to the goddess. Perhaps she places the desire, herself. I was told once by another that I have the attitude of an old hermit who lives in rocks on some desolate mountain, and I do not believe any would dare even think the same of Sitamun.