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Through all of the romantic heavy-lifting the fire took off of him, the inability to speak was replaced with bone-deep nausea, creeping up from his gut. To his throat. Mouth watered, skin tingled and itched like thousands of fleas and ticks were biting him all at once. Rancor idly scratched himself, reflecting on the situation. He feared he’d said far, far too much. Urgh. Settling on those as his words, he doubled over and pressed against the ground.

With his chin and lips pressed against the icy flooring, he tried to chase away that numbingly warm feeling on his face. Which was hard when he was made specifically to stay warm when touching the ice. Eyes blinking slowly, large circular pupils followed the paw that was placed forward. There was no current attempt to snap or bark. Just a sense of mortified helplessness, dragging him down more than any water could. (I did say that. And aren't we?) Thinking slowly as words were picked up and shooed off in the remnants of his mind, the man sighed. Oh, don’t say it aloud! Wailing now, he could only imagine the displeased looks from his family.

None he cared about as much as the shaking, terrified face of his poor old father. And he’d been so close to making him proud.

Black and blue paws suddenly lifted, nose yanking off of the ice and sleet to now rest beneath cowardly grasp. It’s- He gagged. I can’t even think about it. I can, but OH, I CAN’T! Stomach lurched, he heaved again on an empty stomach. Curling up and rolling onto his side, his eyes shut tightly. Do you know how many WOMEN I’ve been with? Not a single one is still in my head. You stayed there for YEARS even when I KNEW it was wrong! He should have been able to control his thoughts. To not think about it, shove it down and keep it away. But now look at what he’d done..! They were Ceta-knew-where, all because he thought that he could skirt by one of the most important things he’d learned because he’d been good.

He did not want to think that everything he'd done to obey this rule was complete bullshit. No. He was awful, and so was Mojave.