But she couldn't, and now she is here, standing in front of the crowd of Fujiwara wolves, and feels out of place in a group of people who had once felt like home.
It's no one's fault. Nana instead attributes it to the swell in her sides, damning evidence of what she had done. There is a similar curve to the Empress' flanks as well, further solidifying the filth that stains Nana's soul like blood on fresh snow. For the Empress has her samurai, her future husband, and Nana has no one.
Once, as a girl, she'd dreamed of having a wedding like this. Of looking into the eyes of the one she loved and swearing herself to them for eternity.
Reality weighs heavily upon her now.
Still, the shrine maiden smiles, warmth blossoming in her chest as she looks at Izumi and Osamu and wonders just how long they've waited for this day. She will not ruin it for them by letting these feelings get to her.
Nana waits for the crowd to settle, for the Empress and Osamu to stand before one another, and gives them a moment to share private words before she begins the ceremony in full.
Esteemed people of Fujiwara Dynasty,begins the shrine maiden, and her voice wobbles only a bit, betraying the nervousness she feels.
We have gathered here today to celebrate the joining of two souls, bound together in holy union.
Swallowing past the mild dryness in her throat, Nana turns soft eyes to the Empress, beginning, of course, with her.
Empress Izumi, do you take Osamu-sama to be your husband, to unify the two of you into one, bound in illness and health, for as long as you two draw breath?
A pause, then, awaiting Izumi's vows.