What was she to do, where was she to go?

She wanted to think her loyalty was to her father, but that was a fractious thing, and in her heart was hope that he could change, although experience showed Aiesha that she could not be the one to change him. Legend could not, either—or so she assumed. Her step-mother was another point of connection here in Satriya and a growing sense of loyalty brewed there, too. That they could escape together was... An option.

What kind of person was she, that she might plot to steal her father's life from under his nose? That she might spirit away with her step-mother and make a life for them, as if they held a greater connection than the blood of father and daughter.

That left her with the option of mazoi or marriage.

A thought came springing to life inside of Aiesha as she paced in her father's empty room: 'What would Nazli do?'

She groans.

[legend was not within the palace. had she left him? stunned despite all that had gone on, the one-time pharaoh darted from room to room. he searched her quarters, but did not approach the royal pair. legend's departure would not be cause for the palace to galvanize itself, and for the first time, he saw how separated he was from them all. senmut had returned to the flame once queen merneith had been safely delivered back to the palace, on the day her contingent had come back from camhanaich. he had remained silent and stolen away when he was able, seeing no reason to remain in the palace with a wife who did not think of him as her husband. he did not know she had gone. now, rawboned from fasting, wild-eyed, red fur mussed and coarse from long hours in the desert, senmut felt as if he were living dead, gazing at the girl who had inherited his entire face as she paced his floors. aiesha. his voice cracked. what has happened? that look in her eye -- who had placed it there?]

legend was not within the palace.

had she left him?

stunned despite all that had gone on, the one-time pharaoh darted from room to room. he searched her quarters, but did not approach the royal pair. legend's departure would not be cause for the palace to galvanize itself, and for the first time, he saw how separated he was from them all.

senmut had returned to the flame once queen merneith had been safely delivered back to the palace, on the day her contingent had come back from camhanaich. he had remained silent and stolen away when he was able, seeing no reason to remain in the palace with a wife who did not think of him as her husband.

he did not know she had gone.

now, rawboned from fasting, wild-eyed, red fur mussed and coarse from long hours in the desert, senmut felt as if he were living dead, gazing at the girl who had inherited his entire face as she paced his floors.

aiesha. his voice cracked. what has happened? that look in her eye -- who had placed it there?

'What would Nazli do?'

A ridiculous query for a situation that had been entirely avoidable, had she only been a good daughter and a proper princess; or if the boons of the priesthood had flowed through her in the same way as the holy blood of both her parents; or if she had trusted the gods with the loyalty and adherence that they were owed—Aiesha could not fathom what her mother would do. All she had to go off of was a fading memory that she had deified for too long.

Had she been wrong to think she deserved freedom? Khaemwaset had looked at her in such a way—!

Sighing, falling to one side among the furs that were stale with dust, it wasn't until Senmut's voice broke the disquiet of the empty room that Aiesha sat up again, startled, mindless—and she saw him, finally.

Up she flowed, magmatic—crowding in to Senmut for a much needed hug.

I messed up. I messed it all up! Lamenting in to his furs, which were as dust-choked as the last.

[numbed with shock, senmut held her, eyes closing as his arms tightened. a sob rose, but he killed its sound before she was able to hear it. what has happened? tell me. surely what has been done can be undone or explained. there were few moments in which the priest had felt fatherly, save for the great love he bore aiesha always. to have her close again reminded him of how he and she and nazli had been a trio of force in their own world, a three-cornered plinth which had cupped their happiness until it was overflowing. until it had overflowed and wasted, until there was nothing left. he held her. he did not let himself think upon these things or long for those protected red walls wherein she had truly been safe. he had left her. he had left legend. senmut fought the shaking of nerves and self-hatred that threatened now.]

numbed with shock, senmut held her, eyes closing as his arms tightened. a sob rose, but he killed its sound before she was able to hear it. what has happened? tell me. surely what has been done can be undone or explained. there were few moments in which the priest had felt fatherly, save for the great love he bore aiesha always.

to have her close again reminded him of how he and she and nazli had been a trio of force in their own world, a three-cornered plinth which had cupped their happiness until it was overflowing.

until it had overflowed and wasted, until there was nothing left.

he held her. he did not let himself think upon these things or long for those protected red walls wherein she had truly been safe.

he had left her. he had left legend. senmut fought the shaking of nerves and self-hatred that threatened now.

It all came tumbling out of her!

I went to Tianlong—with a mazoi so I was safe and—then when I came back I couldn't find you. Khaemwaset is to marry me off! He said I was a princess and that was my role, and I said—I said no, I said I wouldn't! I was angry. He said I could leave if I wanted, but if I live here in Satriya, I am to serve at his whims. It was all a jumble, falling out of her hastily.

He said you had gone! I couldn't find you either. I—I don't know what do do! She had tried to resist the tears but she was only a girl. Pressing her face in to her father's chest she sucked in a breath and didn't recognize the wildness she tasted there. You left and I didn't get to say I was sorry—for—for before—and now I've messed it all up! I don't want to marry, I don't want to be a princess, I don't want to le-e-eave!!

Sobbing, sobbing, sobbing.

[anger was unfamiliar to the priest. he felt its waking ire as aiesha wept against him, telling of a princess' role and -- marriage; marriage; aiesha and marriage. it sickened senmut! it roiled him to a tremble of wrath. she was only a girl, and a girl without a mother. khaemwaset had been a proud young boy in the halls of education, but he had not suspected this hubris. and what husband? whom? forbid the young pharaoh himself! yet -- vaguest stirring of torture's knowledge, which could only be sanctioned by pharaoh. aiesha. breathe. breathe. he pulled back to meet their eyes. i will speak with he and the queen. we will find out the matter and decide it. he was no longer trustworthy, but would she see that his attempts were true?]

anger was unfamiliar to the priest.

he felt its waking ire as aiesha wept against him, telling of a princess' role and -- marriage;

marriage;

aiesha and marriage.

it sickened senmut! it roiled him to a tremble of wrath. she was only a girl, and a girl without a mother.

khaemwaset had been a proud young boy in the halls of education, but he had not suspected this hubris. and what husband? whom? forbid the young pharaoh himself!

yet -- vaguest stirring of torture's knowledge, which could only be sanctioned by pharaoh.

aiesha. breathe. breathe. he pulled back to meet their eyes. i will speak with he and the queen. we will find out the matter and decide it.

he was no longer trustworthy, but would she see that his attempts were true?

It wasn't even the threat of marriage that had her so emotional! She did not care for it, but she did not know it. All she had witnessed of unions was the broken aspect of her mother and father who never wed, and the strain now between Senmut and Legend; she had no frame of reference for what a marriage might entail, or what a man might expect of her—but she did not want it because Khaemwaset had required it.

She sucked in a shuddering breath and swallowed tears. He-he-he said it would t-ta-take time, and I couldn't find y-you, Aiesha could not stop the crying now that it had started, this unmitigated fountain of emotion, but she was gradually getting control of herself again.

Wh-where did you, ah, go? Why couldn't I find y-you? Clearing her throat as best she could, face slicked by her tears; she was a mess but in the moment it didn't matter.

[i went unto the flame of satriya, and sought the face of the gods. senmut saw now that in doing so he had forsaken that of aiesha. anger and shock and hurt flowed forth in rivered feeling, but he did not put an end to her tears. let them fall. she had suffered so great a deal in her young life. gingerly, and with the awkwardness of a man who did not do such things, senmut gently wiped aside the wetness upon the countenance so like his own. you are a princess. i am certain pharaoh is -- clarity. he fears your power. did aiesha understand what she wielded?]

i went unto the flame of satriya, and sought the face of the gods.

senmut saw now that in doing so he had forsaken that of aiesha.

anger and shock and hurt flowed forth in rivered feeling, but he did not put an end to her tears. let them fall. she had suffered so great a deal in her young life. gingerly, and with the awkwardness of a man who did not do such things, senmut gently wiped aside the wetness upon the countenance so like his own. you are a princess. i am certain pharaoh is -- clarity. he fears your power.

did aiesha understand what she wielded?

power? what power could she possibly have? so convinced within her own mind that this elevation of her father, and their family, did not extend to her. especially now that he had stepped down; he was fellahin again, or priest, or something lesser, that's what khaemwaset had told her! what then? what power could either of them have here—and more importantly to aiesha, what did that matter? she had never wanted it!

every thought circled in her mind. it was the same argument as before, the one which had sent senmut away from her—to the fire, to the light, what had he said? away, that's all. away. she did not want that. she would not let that happen again.

he dried her tears as best he could, but there would be more. her cheeks were dark. her eyes were tired. she sucked in breath after breath until she had calmed enough to look at him and see him—clarity, finally.

i don't think he is afraid. he cannot be afraid. not of me. it didn't make sense.

all she wanted right now was her father, close. so she sank in to him.